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A dildo is a very simple object, and that is exactly why technique matters so much with one. It has no motor and no settings, so the angle, the depth and the pace are entirely yours to set. Here is how to use one well, from the size you choose to the way you put it away afterwards.
The most common instinct is to reach for something large. It is also the instinct that spoils the experience most often. Size is not what produces sensation. Pressure, angle and arousal are.
Width matters far more than length for comfort. A useful home test: if two fingers slide in easily once you are properly aroused, a toy roughly that thick will suit you. Extra length past the first ten or twelve centimetres tends to sit unused, because most people do not actually want it that deep.
A toy that is too wide makes you tense, and tension is the opposite of the state you are trying to reach. If you already own something that feels like too much, set it aside and work with something slimmer. You can always move up later, and plenty of people never want to. (If you are still deciding what kind of toy you want in the first place, that is a separate question, covered in our guide to choosing between a vibrator and a dildo.)
Three materials are worth your money: one hundred per cent silicone, borosilicate glass and stainless steel. All three are non-porous, so they can genuinely be cleaned rather than just rinsed. Porous materials such as jelly, PVC, TPE and soft skin-feel blends carry microscopic pores that hold bacteria, and they are usually softened with plasticisers. Sipe and colleagues, publishing in Microplastics and Nanoplastics in 2023, tested a set of commercially sold toys and detected phthalates in several of them along with released micro and nanoplastic particles. If a toy smells of chemicals or feels tacky in the hand, it does not belong inside you.
Lubricant is not optional and the pairing is simple. Water-based lubricant is the default, and with a silicone toy it is the only sensible choice, because silicone lubricant bonds with silicone rubber and slowly degrades the surface into something gummy that can never be properly cleaned. Glass and stainless steel are inert, so anything works with them. Herbenick and colleagues, in a prospective daily diary study published in 2011, found that sexual events in which women used lubricant were rated as more pleasurable and more satisfying than events without it. Use more than you think you need, and reapply rather than pushing through friction.
One practical note, because logistics put more people off than nerves do. Buying online is the easiest route for most people in India, and established sellers ship in plain, unbranded outer packaging with a neutral company name on the courier label and the invoice. Nothing on the outside describes what is inside. If discretion has been the thing holding you back, read the seller's packaging and delivery note before ordering and that worry usually disappears.
Arousal is not just a mood, it is a physical change. As arousal builds, the vaginal canal lengthens, the upper portion widens and natural lubrication increases. Insert something before that has happened and it registers as pressure rather than pleasure.
Give yourself fifteen or twenty unhurried minutes with the outside of the body first. External touch, a warm shower, a fantasy, whatever reliably works for you. You are waiting for one specific signal: the physical wanting of something inside, not the idea that you ought to be ready by now.
Warm the toy. Glass and steel are cold to the touch, and cold makes the pelvic floor clench. Hold it under warm running water for a minute and dry it. Then lubricate both the toy and yourself and rest the tip against the opening without pushing at all. Let the body draw it in rather than forcing entry.
Once the tip is in, stop and breathe. Most people go too deep too fast and skip straight past the part that actually feels good, because the most responsive tissue sits in the first few centimetres rather than at the far end.
Aim towards the front of the body, the wall on the belly side. O'Connell and colleagues, in their 2005 anatomical study in the Journal of Urology, showed that the clitoris is far larger than the small visible part, with bulbs and crura wrapping around the urethra and the front wall of the vagina. Pressure against that wall is pressure on clitoral tissue. That is the whole reason angle beats length.
Keep the pace slower and steadier than feels obvious. Short strokes in the outer third with the tip angled forward suit most people better than long deep thrusts, and holding completely still with firm forward pressure is worth trying on its own. If anything hurts, stop. Pain is information, not an obstacle to push through. Add lubricant, change the angle, or leave it for another day.
Position is simply how you control that angle. On your back with knees bent and feet flat gives the easiest reach and the most natural forward tilt, and a pillow under the hips sharpens it further. Lying on your side with the top knee drawn up takes the strain off your wrist and suits longer, slower sessions. Kneeling or squatting over a toy braced against a firm surface lets your body weight set the depth, which many people find easier to judge than their hand.
Here is the step most people skip. For the majority of people with a vulva, penetration on its own is not the most reliable route to orgasm, and external clitoral stimulation is. Using a dildo without touching the clitoris is using half the equipment.
One hand on the toy, one on the clitoris. If coordinating both feels awkward, alternate instead: build with external touch, add the toy, go back. Or hold the toy still and deep with steady forward pressure while your attention goes entirely to the outside. A position that keeps the toy in place with little effort is worth choosing for exactly this reason.
None of this is unusual, incidentally. In a nationally representative survey of women in the United States, Herbenick and colleagues found that around half had used a vibrator, and that use was associated with higher scores on measures of sexual function including desire, arousal and lubrication.
With a partner, a toy is an addition rather than a substitute for anyone. Hand it over and give running feedback: slower, deeper, hold it right there. Or keep hold of it yourself while they touch you elsewhere. Keep talking, because whoever holds it cannot read your mind.
One rule about anal use is not negotiable. Anything that goes near the anus must have a flared base, wide and firm enough that it cannot pass the sphincter. The rectum has no closed end and the muscle draws objects inwards. Dahlberg and colleagues, reviewing patients treated for retained rectal objects at a Stockholm hospital, reported that sex toys made up a large share of the cases and noted that an adequate stopper or base could have prevented the retained dildos in their series. That is a surgical problem, and checking the base before you start avoids it entirely.
Anal tissue does not self-lubricate, so use considerably more lubricant than you would vaginally, move slower and start smaller than you would elsewhere. Never take a toy from the anus to the vulva or vagina without washing it thoroughly or fitting a fresh condom, and apply the same rule between partners: wash it, or put a new condom on it.
Afterwards, wash with warm water and a plain unscented soap, dry it fully, and store it in a clean cotton bag rather than loose in a drawer with other toys. Our guide to cleaning sex toys covers the rest, including which materials can be boiled and which cannot.
Pick one unhurried evening and change only two things. Spend a full twenty minutes on external touch before anything goes in, then keep it shallow with the tip angled towards the front wall while your other hand stays on the clitoris. Most people find far more in that combination than in a bigger toy.